I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
