I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
4 words: hood of his car
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
