Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
