Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
