What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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