Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize