So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
