what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I FOUND THE LEGS
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
