Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
