I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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