I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
