It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
