i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
