I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
