I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
