bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
