whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
