Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
