How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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