so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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