I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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