Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
