all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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