Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
