i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
