FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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