I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
