im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
