It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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