well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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