i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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