im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
