Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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