Are we in a gay sports bar?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
