He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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