i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize