Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
