I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
