i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize