Don't make out with my wife yet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
