Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
