so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
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Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
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I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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