i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
