is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
