My room smells like vodka and shame
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
