Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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