were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
