How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize