When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
