I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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