I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
