one two three fourrrrnication!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize