so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
