Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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