Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
