direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
