i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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