These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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