another moral hangover. fuck.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
