are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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