Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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