im six kinds of drunk right now
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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