yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
