Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
