when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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