So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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