I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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