drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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