dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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