Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
