I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
