I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
