At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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