i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
