I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
