The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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