I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
