how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
