Im at strip club and am horny
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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