There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
