I accidentally burped into my bong.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
