How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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